This was the 2016 April Fools Joke, you can read a debriefing here.
Here our fully digital selection offers opportunities to experience our translations in a whole slew of new ways.
First is our “reader input” services. Often times fans don’t like things about our translations, but we’ve never acknowledged your qualms directly until now. Without further ado!
THE TEXT CHANGER
Readers sometimes don’t like our translation decisions. Here’s your chance to make yourself heard, with the power of money!
For one dollar USD ($1) you can pick a single word or phrase of any translation, even character names, and change it to something else! Within reason, of course – we can’t translate it to something incorrect.
For ten dollar USD ($10) you can change a whole segment of dialogue to anything you want, translation accuracy be damned! No one will notice.
For one hundred dollar USD ($100), WE WILL WRITE A FULLY FAKE CHAPTER PER YOUR REQUEST.
Your request can be rough ideas or even the full chapter itself. You can write anything you want, give it to us, and we’ll edit it to be something great and seamless, no matter what you decide happens in the story. All of your shipping dreams will come true.
(for those worried, we’re going to change the text back to normal after the pdf comes back. so. don’t worry.)
For one thousand dollar USD ($1000), WE WILL WRITE A DRAGON BALL Z CROSSOVER NOVELLA WITH YOUR CHOSEN NOVEL.
If you don’t like or haven’t seen Dragon Ball Z, tough nuts. If you do like Dragon Ball Z, wouldn’t it be cool to see how poor normal Katou fares against a Spirit Bomb? Or how Shinkurou would do in a fight against Majin Buu?
SELF INSERTION ORIGINAL CHARACTER
For one dollar USD ($1) you can insert your own original-character-do-not-steal into any novel volume of your choice!
Sadly this character is not guaranteed to stay alive for more than two sentences.
For ten dollar USD ($10) your
self-insert original character will survive long enough to speak to the protagonist, and maybe flirt with the cute best girl! Before they die, of course.
For one hundred dollar USD ($100) your self insert will become the protagonist’s dear imouto! If the protagonist already has an imouto, we’ll replace all instances of the canon imouto with you! Aren’t you special!
For one thousand dollar USD ($1000) YOUR CHARACTER WILL BECOME THE MOST IMPORTANT CHARACTER IN THAT LIGHT NOVEL VOLUME. The main cast will have only bit parts at best.
What about the harem stories, you ask? Your character will still be the central MC-kun, but your character will also be all the other characters! All the pretty girls. All the ugly girls. It’s what you’ve been waiting for your whole life. A harem story where everybody is you, including yourself.
THE CHARACTER KILLER
For two hundred dollar USD ($200) YOU CAN CHOOSE ANY CHARACTER IN ANY LIGHT NOVEL TO DIE.
We’ll write in a dissimilar character who will fill the hole they leave behind. The other characters won’t notice. Your fellow readers will be sad, but hey, it’s in the text, right? Our talented artists will redraw any illustrations they appear in, so don’t you worry. They’ll die and it’ll look like it was supposed to happen.
FOR five hundred dollar USD ($500) WE WILL RE-PAIR ANY TWO CHARACTERS IN LOVE WITH ANYONE ELSE, WITH ORIGINAL RABU-RABU DIALOGUE.
Combined with the
self-insert original character series of services, this is quite the deadly weapon. It differs from the text changer in that we will do this across the whole novel or novel series, rather than just a single fake chapter.
That’s it for our “reader input” services! Here are some remaining products that we thought would make you folks bat an eye.
For twenty dollar USD ($20) we will send you an audiobook recording of any novel of your choice! Our exceptional team has put together a varied, emotional performance in both dialogue and narration.
The narration, by the way, is in the style of Aoi Yuuki. Here’s a sample from Mayo Chiki:
original line: “Nii-san, the shampoo in the bathtub has run out. Bring me the one that’s in the closet…”
SAEKANO VOLUMES 2 THROUGH 4
For those of you unfamiliar, the translation of Saekano went halfway through Volume 1 before skipping right to Volume 5, to the confusion of many readers who knew not the reason (and who kept emailing us asking why, and accusing us of being evil for not making them available.)
Well, we finally found out. The reason is that our Saekano translator is evil. Not all the rest of us!
They’ve been translated already! But deadpan didn’t want to give them to you! Why? I don’t know! He hates you guys, or something.
We have since fired deadpan and retrieved the translations. (Don’t worry, the story may still continue, since we have two Saekano translators.) Since it took so much work and heartache, we currently can’t offer it for free with the rest of Saekano.
$7 per volume will net you the PDF and EPUB downloads of these long-hidden books. We will update the website in due time.
EXPEDITED STAFF APPLICATION
Always wanted to be on staff for NanoDesu? Never had the confidence! That’s okay!
For one-hundred dollar USD ($100), we will expedite your editor, translator, or typesetter application! Your application will be looked at less harshly, the response will be quicker, and you’ll be much more likely to get on staff. 100% more likely, in fact.
If you take this path, not much Japanese experience is required for any position – we’ll teach you the ropes! This benefits us, too, because more staff means more projects, yay!
Also you may, if you wish, attach a picture of yourself. If you’re cute, it’s only twenty five USD ($25) !!!!
We’re reaching the end of our current offerings. Here’s the last thing we have for everybody:
LIMITED TIME OFFER for opening day, only on April 1!
NanoDesu’s garage is filled with things collected over a long life of anime fanhood. They range from wall scrolls, to LNs, to…. to wall scrolls. I don’t know. He has a lot of wall scrolls.
He also has a lot of other random stuff in his garage, like paint cans and cars.
But in his appreciation for all you readers, today only,
for five dollar USD ($5), we will send you something random from NanoDesu’s garage!!!!!
Even I can’t believe he agreed to this.
We can’t do transactions directly on WordPress, so we’ll need to rely on an external link. Please click the below link and make your order there! You can buy things multiple times!
(It won’t give you a virus if you click it!)
Got more suggestions for things to offer in the store? Let us know in the comments!